Gal dreaming of greater things

purpose in life ...

2011-09-20T03:11:00.000-07:00

I don have the slightest idea why i exist on this earth and infact why humans exists in the first place ... i don know my purpose in life ... and maybe is beacuse of this lack of direction and purpose that made me the way i am today; mediocre, no goals in life just let time pass by ...

I know i am considered lucky as compared to many people however i hate my life right now or would rather i don like the me that i am right now i hate myelf so much that i think i can kill myself and thats exactly what i feel like doing; end this meaningless life of mine... no achievements no goals nothing ... ... I cant come out of a way that i can die peacefully how i wish i can apply the method of euthanasia on myself can leave this world so peacefully ... however ven if i could i cant do it now ... i have to repay my parents kindness for adopting me and bringing me up till now so i cant die before them i want to give them a good life at least before they leave this world i want them enjoy what they want to enjoy in this life ... so maybe the day that both of them die is the day that i will leave this world too ... i want to seek a purpose for my existance so maybe till the day i get the answer i shouldnt leave this world yet ... i don know lahs but God please bring me out of this depressed feeling thank you lord Amen.

2011-09-19T23:09:00.001-07:00

Joined cheer ..

2011-09-17T01:13:00.000-07:00

Yesterday i decided and comfirmed that i will be joining cheer ... i wonder why i made that decision ... i am not skinniy not pretty and definitely has no experience in cheer at all the worst of all my legs trembles when i am up there not like most of the other girls who are naturally quite pro and comfortable when they are doing the stunts ... i wonder will i be able to contribute to the team or become a hindrance to the team ... hahas ... towards all the uncertainties i seriously has no ans to them and cant be bothered ... all i know now is cause of the people and maybe because of the trill of wanting to overcome my fears i clumsily made that decision. Since i have made that decision i shall put in my best effort not half-heartedly but whole-heartedly so that i will have no regrets ... jia you to myself and to the team !!!

Confidence crisis !!

2011-09-14T12:00:00.000-07:00

Ahhh !!!
Already in the second month of my uni school term ... i feel so aimless ...
I know i need to study and need to do well but i just cant find the motivation ...
I know i need to go back home often to see my parents but i just don feel like going home to face all the problems ...
I know i need to go back to office to pick up my momentum of running my biz but i just cant be bothered ...
Someone like me is a total faliure ... going through life without taking control of my life ...
I miss the past me ... the cheerful, outgoing, confident and motivated me. Someone who used to be an inspiration for my friends but right now, i am the total opposite; a person that don take initiative to hang out with friends, scared of talking to people, concern of people's perception of me, low in confidence ...
I thought uni was supposed to be a brand new start for me but right now i am just screwing up everything ... my studies, my work, my relationships and ultimately MY LIFE ...
I want to be alone cause i am scared of talking to people yet i am scared of the feeling of being alone at the same time ... i don know what to do with myself seriously don know what to do ... how i wish someone can just appear in my life to gve me a push and enlighten me but not nag at me as if i am a 12 year old .... or maybe i am really behaving like a 12 year old thats why poeple are nagging at me ...

9 days left ...

2009-09-15T07:12:00.000-07:00

9 days ... thats all i have ... wahs really must chiong le ...

Mistakes ...

2009-09-12T22:29:00.000-07:00

'We must make mistakes !' my usher leader said ... my reaction was 'Huh ?!'
'But , make NEW MISTAKES and do not repeat the old ones .' she continued .Ooooo ....
We may have heard this many times before in our life but do we really think over it seriously ? you may have, but i have not :P As i continue to listen to my leader talk, i was pondering away reflecting over the mistakes that i have repeated over and over again ... and at that moment i made a little promise to myself , i cant swear that i wont make the same mistakes again cause the probability of me breaking it is like 1/1 hahas .... so i said to myself i will do my very best, put in my greatest effort to prevent myself from making the same mistakes again ... If by my own strength i cant do it i will pray hard over it, for i know my God who loves would provide me with everything which of course includes a solution for this problem ...

CHIONG AHS !!!!!! :P

2009-09-11T10:30:00.000-07:00

Wahs 12 more days thats all i have, or would rather all of the J1s are left with to our promos ....
i want to make it want to go to j2 !!! 1 corr 10:13, i trust in You that no temptations shall win over me for you will provide me with the solutions over them... :) :) :)

You'r Right ...

2009-09-11T10:20:00.000-07:00

'If things are right, you need to persevere on!' You said. I guess you'r right, my biggest weakness is that many a times i am just too weak or lazy to persevere on for the right things. How i wish i have the courage to tell you face to face that you'r really my role model. Although till now i still disagree for some of the things thats you'r persevering on but i still look up to your perserverance even after so many failures, even after so many discouragements but you still press on... I believe you'r gonna make it de, the day that you'r will become successful is drawing near .... JIA YOUS !!

2009-08-07T18:40:00.000-07:00

tHaNkS tO mY fUnNy cLaSsMaTe wHo AmAzIngLy dId a FULL SPLIT (so sad wasn't captured), aLl oF uS wEre sMiLliNg sO hApPilLy ... ThAnKs KaI PeNg :)

hOpE tHeSe sMiLeS oN tHeIr fAcEs WilL nEvEr faDe aWaY ... <3<3

Thanksgiving Concert

2009-08-07T17:06:00.000-07:00

Thnksgiving concert rocks !! love it to the max !! :D:D:D:D
LoVe mY CHEM TeAChER DAncE (mIsS tAn v.PrO :D)
lOvE My PHY tEachEr dAnCe (mR LEe v.cUtE :))
LoVe mY mAtHs tEacHer sInG (tHeiR sHiRt sO CoOl ! I wAn 1 ToO !!) Hahax ... :P
aNd And aND tHe sUpEr MaRiO sO fUnNy !!!
mI aNd mY frIeNdS ... hOpE tHeY cAn B hApPy 4eVeR :) :D :) :D

Nature of thing that happens in life....

2009-08-07T09:10:00.001-07:00

Things in life sometimes are just so unpredictable ...
Some are just so unpleasent that you hope you can just loose those parts of your memory and don remember even a single bit about them.
Some are just such beautiful experiences that you hope will never forget even till your very last breath ...

Pissed and sick and tired of all this ...

2009-07-31T23:33:00.001-07:00

Arghs !! why cant people just be simple as how they are why must they make things so hard for others I DON"T UNDERSTAND !!
On the surface things may seem so simple but if you really know the 'insight' of things, they aren't at all ...
Omg !! i am just glad that i realise your true colours before i did anything stupid or maybe i have already done some then i am just gonna regret for those ... I don know what i should say .... haix... so fan ... if i can i really wanna tell you straight in the face that i hate you hate hate hate hate hate hate !! think no one seriously no one have made me so pissed before ....

Starting Rigourous school curriculum again .... :(

2009-07-04T10:44:00.001-07:00

Hahas ... think i really regret nt working harder during the june holidays ... :P
The first week of school already almst died-ded ... deprive from slp ...
With PW , mtl oral and OP coming up i really don know how i am gaonna complete all of them...
though i know i still have to do them sooner or later ... hahas ... being contradictive :P
But anyway oh well no point lamenting just gonna work hard from now on this moment onwards hahas .... its a promise i made hahas ... JIA YOU JIA YOU !!

Holidays coming to an END

2009-06-18T08:32:00.000-07:00

Sianz ... June holidays coming to an end le... :(
hahas ... did not do much revision :P
Lessons would be held at a very fast pace when school reopens, ahhhh .... super tired de super hope that time would just stop right now ...
Hahas... but too bad time does not care about our passiveness it just passes so fast like lightning ...
Needa stay focus and work hard !! Aming to ace my maths and sciences for promos !! woots !! AJA AJA !! everytime it always feels like a new beginning, another chance for me . Hope that this time it would not just be plain dreaming, for what i have promised , i will work hard !! Watch over me :)

Things going well so far ...

2009-02-06T20:58:00.000-08:00

Haha ... yups for me things are going well so far ... Can't wait for proper curriculum to start and be buried with homeworks and tutorials ... Ppl must have thought that i am crazy , but at least in doing so i feel that i am leading a more substantial life ... although i know it is gonna be super tough and i cant confidently say that i will be able to cope all of the things that are coming up but i dare say that i will put in my greatest effort and do my best !! Jia You Jia You !!

5th day of school...

2009-02-05T14:53:00.000-08:00

Haha ... it has been so long since i last blogged , lets talk abt my school experience so far in SRJC :) The first day kind of boring ... had talks and videos for almost the whole day . The second day was a little better , we had subject talks which i am quite interested of as it lets me know more abt the subjects that i am taking :) The third day was even better ; we learnt the school dance ,anthem and cheer . It's kind of fun but the forth day was the best :) Finally after soooo many days of admin stuff we started lessons however some of them are only introductory lessons but subjects like GP and Maths are already like proper lessons . The first GP lesson was kind of scary ; all of us were asked to write a 400 words essay HA ! 'How Great ' ... over the long holidays after the Os my brain have already gone rusty by now ... :( So i spent halve of the time stoning ... :P I hope i can cope with my studies well .... wish me all the best BYEEE....

Happy Mi ...

2008-12-20T08:53:00.000-08:00

Haha ... anqi and siew woon are coming to the candlelight service tml so happy !! hope that they will have a good experience . Last year went it was so beautiful . Recently i got more on fire for God again . I begin to read the bible ; learnt of the amazing things that God have done in the past . Through the story of moses in the book of Exodus i learnt that i must not lose faith in times of circunstances for which everything is in the hands of my almighty God . I did not understand mny things in the past though there are still many but at least i know a little bit more now . Thank You KK , i have heard before that in God's kingdom everyone can touch one's life but i did nt understand it at first but now i think i know i bit deeper le ; God's love is pass through us .

Powerful Word

2008-12-14T03:51:00.000-08:00

Friends you may stop reading the post after the first sentence but would you just do me a favour : Read till the end , its amazing .

Today Pst Tan gave a powerful preaching . Gen 1 verse 3 God created light and darkness , verse 6 God created sky and water , verse 9 God created land and sea . All these was created in the first three days and the forth day , verse 16 He created sun to govern the day and moon and stars to govern the night . The fifth day He created birds to fly in the sky and fish to swim in the sea . The sixth day he created animals and humans of his own image and God rested on the seventh day .
Now here is the amazing thing : If you ever notice , the things in orange are to fill the things in red . The sun is to be the light , the moon and stars is to fill the darkness , the birds to fill the sky and fish to fill the sea , the animals to fill the land and humans to rule over the animals . Everything is in the hands of God . God has his own timetable of doing things that is much greater then what humans could think of . Everything that we go through in life God has something to reveal to us . People , God is just like a torch light ,which only gives us sufficient amt of light for you to take a step or a couple of steps each time , the light will not shine over kilometres , he only reveal to us what we need to know . So guys , don't be demoralised by situations that you may be going through . Situations in God's eyes are so that something good can come out of it so just pray and ask God what actually he wants to reveal to you through the situation .

A brand new start

2008-12-13T08:05:00.000-08:00

Today first day work at Globetrotters . I am glad that the things that i do is similar to what i do at Mcd's . Come to think about it i think i have to thank Mcdanald's for training me into such a good dish clearer .The people there are nice and friendly (so happy!!) . I really love the job . Now the only thing i wish for is for the manager to put me on shif for longer period so that i can earn more money today work like that only earn $27.50 haix ... quite little . At this rate i will take 32 days to earn $800 woah that's like already 15th of January thats slow .
I got to Jia You !! AJA !! AJA !!

Sad and Disappointed ...

2008-12-12T07:38:00.000-08:00

Hiax waited so long finally can start the banquet job however, was diappointed . Didn't even get my first pay was rejected reason :my birthday have not pass so i am not officially 16 . But it's okay another one and a half week then i can get back to there to work . Initially found pizza hut job but must wait till sun then went to Globetrotters to interview tomorrow going for the first trial day hopefully i will be hired . The manager at globetrotters mentioned on me communicating in chinese with is no good for the job hopefully i will be able to overcome this problem . No , I CAN DO IT !!!AJA !! AJA!!

Sad Reflection

2008-12-09T01:22:00.000-08:00

Was very dissappointed to know that the hotel job only put me to work on two days of the week . Now i am as good as out of job . Quickly i went to pizza hut hoping that they will hire me luckily they have ask me to go to report on sat . Time is running out , i need to at least earn 800 dollars by thisholiday to clear all my debts . This is the first time i feel so out of control everything seems so blur ahead of me . I guess for the pass i have taken things for grunted , i have always thought that i will be able to find a job whenever i want to but now i just learnt that things are not like that ; even i have found a job whether to put me to work a not is still under other people control .

Great December !

2008-12-02T08:00:00.000-08:00

December have started ! Hope everything go smoothly for the month .
Especially for my work and churh activities .
Owe lots of money need those cash quickly . I now i sounds like i am at the verge of you know, doing something bad(eg. stealing) to get the money but sorry to disappoint you :I WONT !
Haha ... i know i am being lame ... :P
Its the third day already since i returned form the Cambodia trip ... i miss Cambodia !
Had many beautiful memories there ...