Joined cheer ..

Yesterday i decided and comfirmed that i will be joining cheer ... i wonder why i made that decision ... i am not skinniy not pretty and definitely has no experience in cheer at all the worst of all my legs trembles when i am up there not like most of the other girls who are naturally quite pro and comfortable when they are doing the stunts ... i wonder will i be able to contribute to the team or become a hindrance to the team ... hahas ... towards all the uncertainties i seriously has no ans to them and cant be bothered ... all i know now is cause of the people and maybe because of the trill of wanting to overcome my fears i clumsily made that decision. Since i have made that decision i shall put in my best effort not half-heartedly but whole-heartedly so that i will have no regrets ... jia you to myself and to the team !!!

Confidence crisis !!

Ahhh !!!
Already in the second month of my uni school term ... i feel so aimless ...
I know i need to study and need to do well but i just cant find the motivation ...
I know i need to go back home often to see my parents but i just don feel like going home to face all the problems ...
I know i need to go back to office to pick up my momentum of running my biz but i just cant be bothered ...
Someone like me is a total faliure ... going through life without taking control of my life ...
I miss the past me ... the cheerful, outgoing, confident and motivated me. Someone who used to be an inspiration for my friends but right now, i am the total opposite; a person that don take initiative to hang out with friends, scared of talking to people, concern of people's perception of me, low in confidence ...
I thought uni was supposed to be a brand new start for me but right now i am just screwing up everything ... my studies, my work, my relationships and ultimately MY LIFE ...
I want to be alone cause i am scared of talking to people yet i am scared of the feeling of being alone at the same time ... i don know what to do with myself seriously don know what to do ... how i wish someone can just appear in my life to gve me a push and enlighten me but not nag at me as if i am a 12 year old .... or maybe i am really behaving like a 12 year old thats why poeple are nagging at me ...